Running The Option

In football, the option typical means having such versatility that you can elect a variety of running plays. Coaches often run the option when they want to control the game or time of possession. Hmmmmm now let me equate that to relationships. Much of what keeps many of us single is "The Option". For example, one man may be dating 4-7 different women at a time that bring various characteristics to the table. With these women he can control "time of possession" and have offensive control by keeping them in limbo without having to take the risks of "the passing game". In dating many don't like the passing game because you may run the risk of getting picked off. Hmmmmm but sometimes in life it is no nuts no glory and if you want to win the game you have to get out the pocket and scramble or have to throw that hail mary. Yeah you may lose, but what if you win. Pride and self-elusion is keeping many lonely with options. What is the point of having options if you can't rely on the star player. Just something to think about.

New Direction

So I haven't been to work since April 29th and I must say it was the best thing my company could have done for me. I knew when I started that job that it would only be for a season. When I first started I was hired for one position and a few weeks later was promoted into another. I was placed on commitees, given a nice office and great wonderful perks. I was able to travel all over the country and I loved it. But God started to show me that my exit time was getting close. They took away my travel, my office, and their behavior began to change drastically even though my work ethic and results remained the same. I was not moved by the situation, because I knew this was God's way of showing me what needed to happen. Everyday I prayed to God to help me pass all tests and fulfill my assignment. My obedience paid off. I was more than rewarded for my faith and diligence. I have profitted more in the past 3 months than I could have for most of the year. In May I began a joint venture business with my sister and business has really taken off. I have time to spend with my family, on school, and with myself which is invaluable. The best part is money is the least of my worries. I shared that to say this.... things may seem bleak or uncomfortable, but if you seek God and have faith He will bless in a manner that will far surpass your understanding. Be blessed.

What's Your Purpose?

I know it has been a while since I posted, but now that I have some free time I will pick up where I left off. So lately I have been engaging in conversation with a yound gentleman and we have been discussing how culture impacts relationships and things like that. Well today we were talking about knowing your role and what not. My viewpoint on the matter is very simple. I feel that each relationship in which we engaged is meant to serve a purpose. It is meant to teach us something about ourselves and how to proceed with others. So if a man dogged me out, yeah it may have hurt but what I ask mysel. f is what did I contribute and how can I avoid this in the future. There are some guys that I may be friends with and I treat them with care, compassion, and respect and because of the way I treat them they think  I am "the one". This is usually not the case, but it does give them some insight on how they like to be or should be treated. There are women that still act like ladies and have no problem catering to a man if he deserves it. Likewise there are still men who value women and have no problem showing their appreciation. We just have to take the time to understand and learn who those people are in our lives when presented. Just my personal opinion.

The Joys of Motherhood

Two weeks ago it dawned on me that I am about to be the parent of a pre-teen. Along with that comes so many things boys, dating, middle school, peer pressure, and puberty. LAWD I am not ready. It seems like yesterday that I had Justice, but in July it will be 11 years. As her mother I felt I was supposed to teach her all of life's lessons, but she in turn has taught me so much. As a new mother at the age of 20 she taught perserverance to finish college early. She motivated me to keep pushing when I wanted to give up because I refused to be a statistic or to have her to watch me struggle. She has shown me unconditional love, compassion and admiration that I never thought imaginable. These are traits that I am not sure I would have learned as early had God not have given her to me. So to Him I say thank you for entrusting me with such a precious, wonderful gift. At first I thought, why me? Now I know that motherhood is an assignment that all are not entrusted with and many do not do well. So I am humbled and gracious that God saw so much in me and I have enjoyed and will continue to enjoy this wonderful adventure!

The Relationship Rollercoaster

So earlier today I was talking to a male friend of mine who has been on the emotional roller coaster at the Relationship Amusement Park.As I sat and listened to him I started to notice some of the same signs that plagued my last relationship. I past no judgment and he knows that I will be honest and let him know when he is right and when he is wrong. After our conversation I begin to wonder. Why is it that the state of relationships is really so jacked up these days. I truly believe it is because we are a generation that has become so self-absorbed that we don’t know what it is like to be self-less. To love means to be selfless and humble. Not to have the “what have you done for me lately” mentality. It is true, most relationships are one-sided. One partner is usually more willing to give more than the other. My question is how can one proclaim to love someone, but not be their confidante, the one to protect their feelings…. Their FRIEND. A significant other has been reduced to nothing more than an accessory. Men want a woman who is “thick”, “bad”, “a dime” physically, but doesn’t possess any substance. That accessory usually comes at a higher cost. Yes she may be physically appealing, but is she catering to emotional and spiritual needs. Can you talk to and relate to her? And at the end of the day to you righteously like her as a person? Something to think about, huh? Ladies you are not off the hook! Because he looks good on paper by having the great career, lots of money, and willing to trick it off does not show his love for you. Where is attention is, his affection lies. Are you worthy of being kept, loved and being held in high esteem. A self-assessment and some humility are critical if there is any future of preserving love and what it is meant to be. Just my humbled observation and opinion. I am not perfect, but I am willing to work tireless until I get it right because true love is worth it.

ROLLLLLLLL TIDE!

Now that football season has ended, I am now left with a void that can only be filled the excitement and anxiety of college football. More specifically SEC football. Namely Crimson Tide football. I program so steeped in tradition and greatness! It often gets on my nerves when people say "I'm not a Bama fan because they don't play black quarterbacks", or "they didn't hire a black coach", or "Wallace stood in the door and didnt want black students to come in. I often think "Are you seriously THAT stupid?" Wallace's stand in the schoolhouse door took place June 11, 1963. At that time not even Auburn was integrated. Auburn did not enroll its first black student until the following year and that was only one man named Harold Franklin. So please SPARE ME! In 2011 AU is STILL under 10% black, but I digress. The purpose of this blog is to honor the Tide. A team whose program boasts 802 wins, 319 losses, and 43 ties, which is a 71% win percentage. 13 National titles, 26 conference titles (22 of which are SEC titles) in its 118 year history. In 2010, such players as Mark Ingram, Marcell Darius, Marquis Maze, Greg McElroy, Mark Barron, Preston Dial, Darius Hanks, Dont'a Hightower, Julio Jones, Dre Kirkpatrick, Robert Lester, C.J. Mosely, Trent Richardson, Damion Square and Courtney Upshaw made this season a pleasure to watch. The 3 losses this season were a hard blow to the program, but these young men have played and carried themselves with class and distinction. For this gentlemen I salute you and your contribution to the Crimson Tide Nation! You afforded us the opportunity to chant with pride "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer Give em Hell ALABAMA!" Roooooooooollll Tide Roll!!!!

The Entitlement Syndrome

One of my favorite mantras is know your role. In today's society we all know the so-called dating scene is not what it used to be. The old-fashioned days of courtship that our parents and grandparents once knew is no longer. Today is the day of the jumpoff, cutbuddy, sidepiece, friend with benefits and gray area relationship. Commitment is no longer the order of the day, but with all these different unorthodox roles comes confusion. Women often settle for being the jumpoff, cutbuddy, sidepiece or whatever with the thought that they will be upgraded to wifey. Not saying this never happens, but more often than not it doesn't. However, while they are playing these roles they do not know their roles. They want to become possessive and have a sense of entitlement when it comes to the men with which they are having relations. This is understandable, however when you assume the role you really have no privileges and are not entitled to anything. On the other hand, men often have the entitlement syndrome when it comes to a woman with which they previously have had sex. They tend to think that once they got it they are always entitled to get it. This is not always so. Once (a woman with sense) realizes playing the role isnt worth it or moves on then the man is no longer priority. I'm not condemning anyone for playing any role they decide, however, I'm saying do not think you are entitled to anything outside of a monogamous relationship.

SALT

So a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine asked me my views on the role of a wife. I told him that I felt a wife should be like salt for several reasons.

Salt has many purposes:

1)      To refine
2)      To heal
3)      To cleanse
4)      To enhance

When I say that a wife’s purpose is to be salt for her husband, she needs to fulfill the same purposes as actual salt. She should refine him. The Bible says that iron sharpens iron. She should be that woman that makes him better by who she is, not by nagging or trying to change him for superficial purposes. She should be there to heal his hurts. When he experiences hurt, trauma and disappointment she should be the one to help lift him. She should be there to cleanse. A man carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and often has to get down in the trenches. Not only is the wife supposed to get down in the trenches with him, but when they come out she should be the one to dust him off and let him know that all is well.  A wife should enhance her husband. People  add salt to food to enhance the taste. A man adds a wife to his life for her to enhance him in all areas. Like the lyrics say “I’m a movement by myself, but we’re a force when we’re together. Baby I’m good all by myself, but baby you make me better."

Just my thoughts in a nutshell.

Ms. Understood

I am a woman of class and distiction. a woman's whose father showed her the finer things in life. I was raised to expect men to be gentlemen and to take care of their wife and kids. My father is by far the greatest man I know and he raised me so well that now my standards are HIGH. Beyonce has a song entitled "Daddy" where she pays homage to her father. Some of the lyrics are "I want my unborn son to be like my daddy. I want my husband to be like my daddy. There is no one else like my daddy. And I thank you for loving me." This is the sentiment that I have regarding my father.

So I would not dare disrespect him by lowering my standards and settling for any old man for the sake of having one. People say that I am hard core and too guarded. My reply to that is, that is a good thing. No man should want a woman that is to freely giving of herself. There are somethings that I hold precious for the one I love and everyone should not and will not know the intimate details of my heart. If some of you men can get past the nice lips, big boobs, nice butt and sexy legs , then you could see there is so much more to me than that.

I am Ms. Understood. When I dont swoon and fall over you. Its not that I am not feeling you, its just I need to see where your head is.. where a man attention is, his affection lies. If I dont even have your attention then no I am not going to show you my affection. I dont blow up your phone... do misunderstand it. I recognize that people have alot going on. Unless I am a priority and we have that exclusive understanding no Im not going to call unless you set that precedence.

Don't get it twisted fellas. I love you all to death, but when you have so many people claiming to be so sincere you have to have a screening process and only the strong survive. If my heart is the prize you wish to capture you will not mind getting back to basics. For those of you who think my standards are too high, thats fine too because maybe Ms. Understood is just not for you...and thats ok. Thats why God all made us different and gave us preferences and choices. Because believe me when Ms. Understood step up to the plate she is hitting for a homerun everytime.

So take me as being unapproachable, difficult, mean or hard core. I am just Ms. Understood and if you took the time to really get to know me you would understand why I bear that name.

My View of the Marriage Debate

I am getting so sick of the conversation about why are 42% of Black Women unmarried?
Are they freaking serious? Is there no better topic? Do people really think there is a cut and dry answer? Nothing is that black and white. There are a number of reasons: some women choose to be single, some prefer women, some are focused on careers, MEN are asking… but in this conversation why does it seem like black women are being blamed for the relationship status. I was in a relationship with a man who treated me great he was a sweet guy and an angel of a boyfriend, however; I knew that he was not the man whom I was created for. Ah ha! Maybe this is the missing link!!! People these days get together for the most superficial reasons. Men want women who have big butts rather than big hearts, who are better at using their bodies rather than their minds. Women are caught up on how a man is dressed and his resume rather than his Vision. People do not court, date and get to know one another anymore. They do not pray and seek God about the person for whom they are created. People want instant gratification want a microwave relationship based on looks, status and other “surface” factors.

Another reason is the “grass is greener” theory. This is especially true with men. Because men have so many more options than women, they keep searching for “the next best thing” NEWSFLASH!!! Just because someone may be better on paper doesn’t mean they are better for you. Often time the most genuine people get overlooked, because someone thinks they are better than they should. I am not saying don’t have standards, but I am saying make wise decisions.

Careers! Don’t get me wrong I am a very driven woman and a born go-getter, but not to the point where it is going to negatively impact my personal life. Becoming Dr. Powe does not trump me being Dwayna Powe: mother, daughter, sister, friend, lover….and eventually WIFE. Why because I understand why I was created. Though I bring great things to the table I know how to be a submissive woman, I know I am designed to be a helper to my mate.

People take the true meaning of marriage for granted. My parents have been married for almost 35 years and they still have date night every week. They are each other’s best friend and they put each other first after God. These days people are self absorbed and have the Janet Jackson syndrome “What have you done for me lately?” Relationships and marriages can only thrive when both parties work together through good and bad and though you may not always agree you are willing to stick it out no matter what.

I could really go on for days, weeks, eons about this topic but I am just giving my surface thoughts at the moment. I just feel it’s bogus that black women a being looked down upon because we are not all married, as if we propose to or can marry ourselves. IJS!

I Own the Right to Walk This Way

I have encountered many men who often say, “I love your confidence” or your “swag” and then you have those who are bothered by the fact that I am so self-assured, but what they failed to realize is I paid the price and I own the right to walk this way. I remember being a young skinny girl with all the book sense in the world and plenty of friends, but I got picked on for being “too skinny” for being “a nerd” and for having “big lips”…. Fast forward to the present I now have the dangerous curves, being a nerd is about to make me Dr. Powe and the same lips that men used to joke on me about, now brings them to their knees. So don’t be mad I own the right to walk this way.

People say you are hard on guys you shouldn’t have high standards, but were you there when he cheated and I still stood tall. Were you there when I gave my all and it was still not enough. I paid that price and appreciate the experience because it didn’t make me bitter, it made me oh so much better.

They say she act like her life is all that, but let me ask you this… were you there when my organs started shutting down 2 days after my daughter was born or when I was in a terrible car crash when she was 6 weeks old. God destined me for greatness and I paid a high price so I OWN the right to walk this way.

Out of all these things none of them explain why I walk the way I do..with swag, confidence and some say arrogance. I AM A GREAT PERSON, Daughter of the Most High God I walk this way because of Who I AM and WHOSE I AM and that is what gives me the right to walk this way and proclaim that I AM THE GOODNESS KNOWN AS D.Powe! I OWN THE RIGHT!